Playing

Why don't adults "play"? I know some adults talk about "playing," but it usually seems to mean going out to eat, to a bar or some other appropriate "adult" activity. I want to know why adults can't get together with their friends, pick up a few sticks in the backyard, and have a huge sword fight. Why isn't it socially acceptable for adults to run around the neighborhood, pretending to be on a quest? These are things I think more adults would be interested in doing than we might realize.

Costco

This evening Laura had to get some things for her school so we went to Costco, aka Price Club. (We do not have a membership, nor do I really ever plan to get membership, but she had her school's card.)

Anyway, visiting the store was about as nostalgic an experience as I've ever had. When I was little I used to go to Price Club with my mom, and it was a huge adventure. The store was sublimely big, almost a city, or maybe even a civilization, within a building. To this day I don't think we ever reached the outer regions of the structure.

On really special occasions, my mom would get one of those flat cart-palate things, and my sister and I would get to ride on it. We always asked to do this, but only rarely were allowed. Sometimes we climbed through the products — probably to our mom's embarrassment, but to our own delight. (I saw some kids doing this tonight and felt like Holden Caulfield. Stay in the boxes kids, I wanted to say, it doesn't get better than that.)

In any case, there was always a wealth of free samples, unexplored corridors, and mysterious products filled with the allure of the unknown.

In short, and like the world itself, as a child Costco was filled with wonder, promise and possibility.

Before tonight I hadn't been to Costco in years, and as an adult it was considerably less exciting (I could see the walls, for example, destroying the illusion of an endless landscape of products.) Still, the store smelled the same way that it used to — sort of like a clean warehouse filled with packaging materials. There were also products I haven't seen since my childhood, and consequently associate with that period. Things like family sized boxes of fruit rollups and granola bars, huge packages of cleaning supplies and toiletries. Ice cream sandwiches. Kirkland products. Some things even brought back specific memories, like the dog food and the golden retriever my family had when I was five, or the double boxes of milk and the structures we built out of those same boxes.

Like I said, I don't plan to get a membership to Costco. It's sort of a nightmare as an adult. But occasionally, when I got a whiff of the bakery or the book section, that nightmare turned into a dream.

Triceratops and Siamese Cats

Tonight I am amazed at the power of children’s movies to shape my adult ideas. More specifically, I am amazed that movies I saw when I was kid as still determining how I see the world, even when I don’t realize it.

Earlier this evening Laura and I were talking about our clothing as a kid and I mentioned that my mom made shirts for my siblings and me that had brontosauruses on them. I mentioned that at the time (and now, actually) brontosauruses seemed like pretty wimpy dinosaurs (I subsequently had my mom sew flames on mine, effectively turning it into a brontosaurus-dragon). Anyway, Laura made the point that the brontosaurus is a fairly gender-neutral dinosaur that would have fit well on either my shirt, or my sister’s.

I think Laura is right, but why? A t-rex is probably a good example of a “boy” dinosaur, but I couldn't think of why brontosaurus would be neutral (this reminds me of my post awhile ago about school mascots). Then, as I was suggesting alternatives that I would have preferred, we figured it out. I said that would have taken a triceratops over a brontosaurus, but that “I always kind of thought of triceratops as girl dinosaurs." That’s when Laura realized that all this went back to The Land Before Time.

Not coincidentally, my mom made our dinosaur shirts right around the time The Land Before Time came out. Though the reason she made them was to have all us kids match, she probably party chose the dinosaur motif because of the movie. However, if my mom was motivated by the movie to make shirts for her children, she probably couldn’t have foreseen that that movie would continue to influence her children’s perceptions about dinosaur gender for the rest of their lives. Though I know there were both boy and girl triceratops, I don’t foresee myself ever associating that dinosaur with boys. If I ever have a son I'll probably give him a doll before a triceratops toy, not because I’m opposed to boys playing with girl toys but just because it would never occur to me to give a girl dinosaur to a little boy (whereas I’d be more likely to think critically and make creative choices about more obviously gendered toys).

Similarly, I know that Siamese cats are evil. Every time I see a Siamese cat on the street I try to steer clear of it, and usually I give it a mean look. Though I spent most of my adolescence and young adult life believing that Siamese cats were just among the more temperamental of cat breeds, I eventually realized I got my ideas about them from Lady and the Tramp.

Remember that part where the two Siamese cats sing “we are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don’t please.” Honestly I can’t even remember anything else about that movie (or what the cats do that makes them so evil). As I’m typing this I’m also realizing that there may be some underlying racism in that part of the story, but that’s a topic for a different day. The point is that because of that movie I will forever imagine every Siamese cat I see singing those two lines. Though I’d feel comfortable describing myself as a cat person, I’d never bring one of those kind into my house.

I suspect that everyone has had similar experiences with media they consumed as a kid. I’m also sure that there are other examples of movies influencing my current attitudes that I'm not even aware of yet. If this story has a moral I suppose it would “be careful what your kids watch.” That’s an important message, I guess, though for now I’m content to marvel at how I know this happens, but I’m relatively powerless (at this point) to do much about it.

Children, Parents, and the Rest of Us

If you have children, don’t complain.  About anything.  More specifically, if you’ve chosen to have kids you also need to accept the fact that your children will probably consume the best years of your life and that you have no right to inconvenience complete strangers with them.  In other words, please stay at home. 

If this all seems a bit insensitive let me explain: my college newspaper has recently published several letters arguing about whether it’s appropriate to bring small children into public spaces.  Not surprisingly, those against bringing children to places like movie theaters have pointed out that they are noisy and disruptive to other patrons.  What is surprising, however, is that those on the other side of the issue seem to feel that their actions are justified simply because “parents sometimes like to go out and do things.”

Obviously, I side with the former, but it still always surprises me when I come across people who act like they’re doing all of us a favor by having children and we should all be accordingly sympathetic.  Don’t misunderstand: I do believe that having children can be a rewarding experience and it’s something that I look forward to doing someday.  Yet, when people choose to have kids it also seems like they should be realistic about that choice.  Obviously, that means doing fewer fun things, but it also means that a lot of people without children aren’t going to want to have you and your family around very much.  When it comes to movie theaters, restaurants, etc., I frankly don’t think children should be allowed.  Or at least, they shouldn’t be allowed during prime hours when everyone else is trying to spend a night out.  If that means parents have a harder time, so be it; that’s all part of the job.

Certainly this isn’t a black and white issue and society benefits by being accommodating.  I know, for example, that if I go see a matinee of Harry Potter there are going to be noisy kids there.  On the other hand, I would never go see a matinee of Harry Potter.  In fact, when it comes to movies, I generally try to avoid anything that could be remotely described as “family oriented” because nearly every time I go I end up paying more attention to the crying babies and talking toddlers than the actual movie.  This is particularly frustrating because there are “family oriented” movies I’d like to see.  My solution has been to go late, as I’d expect 11 PM showings of these movies to be kid-free.  Alas, that is so rarely the case.             

There are, of course, many people in the world who have children due to unfortunate circumstances: rape, teen pregnancy, faulty birth control, etc.  These are sad circumstances.  However, if the victims of these events were the only ones bringing their children to places they ought not to be, it’d be rare that we’d hear crying babies at inconvenient times.  The problem, in reality, is that there are many people who have chosen to have children who also impose their children on unsuspecting strangers.  I’m sure those children are beautiful and wonderful.  I’m sure they bring great satisfaction to their families.  I’m sure they’re the apples of their parents’ eyes.  But please, don’t force the rest of us to participate in your parenting woes.