I’m no fan of giving gifts. In fact, in my ideal world there would probably be no gift giving at all. Why? Because, more often than not, both the recipient and the giver end up feeling guilty, inadequate, or just plain bad.
Don’t get me wrong, I like to receive great gifts as much as the next person. The problem is that if I need something, I usually go out and buy it before anyone has a chance to give it to me. On those occasions when I don’t, it’s also rare that anyone knows I need the item, or the item is just too expensive. For example, the thing I probably most need at the moment is a new computer. However, I’m not going to spend the money on that right now, so it’d be a wonderful gift to get, except that it would be too expensive for anyone to give me. If someone did give me a computer I’d probably feel really guilty and uncomfortable that they spent so much, so in the end I wouldn’t want it anyway. The point is that I either have the things I need (and want), or I don’t really want them as presents.
This works the other way too. If I’m going to give someone something the whole process of preparing the present creates a build-up that almost inevitably ends in let-down. Usually, one of several things will happen but the worst case (and all-to-common) scenario is that the recipient will not guess what it is because they think its something different and/or better than it really is. This situation usually causes the recipient to be disappointed (because it wasn’t the desired item) and the giver to be embarrassed (because they didn’t know what to give, couldn’t afford it, etc.). And lets also not forget that what you give someone reveals your perception of that person. This is a disheartening prospect: who hasn’t either received a present or given one where the ultimate question seems to be “so this is how you think of me?”
Another problem with gift giving is that the act of revealing the gift requires a performance from everyone involved. The recipient has to seem genuinely excited, but not too excited because that could look fake, and the giver has to act pleased regardless of what they feel. I think that this is a particularly difficult aspect of exchanging presents. Who hasn’t seen a person that seemed visibly disappointed after opening a present? I see this all the time and the only person who looks more pathetic is the giver, whose hopes of giving a nice gift have just been dashed.
Ultimately giving gifts seems to be one of the biggest sources of unnecessary guilt and embarrassment out there. I’ve seen gift cards work (at least the pretense of personalization and pricelessness is dropped), but many people find them impersonal, especially for close family members. Of course, every group of people work this out differently, but in the end I wonder why we continue to put ourselves through something that is supposed to be fun, but usually just makes everyone feel bad.
