Father’s Day/A Celebration of Virility

Tomorrow is Father’s Day, so I figured it might be a good time to reflect on this day of fatherly celebration.  More specifically, I’d like to take this opportunity to explore the strange fact that Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day) seem to be more a celebration of male-ness (or female-ness on Mother’s Day) than of actual parenting. 

 

My perception of Father’s Day is inevitably influenced by the way it is celebrated at my church.  For the past few years (both when I was single and now that I'm married), I have received a gift from my ward (aka congregation).  Usually it's something small, like a candy bar or a cinnamon role.  On Mother’s Day I’ve seen women receive similar gifts, as well as things like small plants or home decorations (I’m not going to get into gender stereotyping here, though obviously it goes on).

 

The odd thing about these events, nice as they are, is that I am not a father.  When Laura has received gifts in the past it has struck me as equally odd, as of course she isn't a mother.  Indeed the typical criteria for who receives a gift is usually just being over 18 years old and of the male gender (for Father’s Day, or female gender for Mother’s Day).  While I always love to get a big candy bar, casting the celebratory net so wide seems to trivialize that actual act of parenting.  After all, if I don’t have kids what am I being congratulated for?

 

The result of this situation, and the answer to that question, seems to be that I am being honored for my sexual potential to have children.  In this case, Father’s Day becomes a celebration of male virility, while Mother’s Day becomes a celebration of female fertility.  Of course, there may be people receiving these gifts who are not physically capable of having children, but it seems like more of a theoretical celebration, as if to say, “in the ideal world we’d all be sexually potent, so have a Twix.” 

 

I’m not opposed to this turn of events, but I think we should acknowledge it for what it is.  After all, just because we don’t want people to feel bad or left out doesn’t mean that we should honor them for something they didn’t do.  Instead, lets continue to honor the male and female genders, while also acknowledging parenting and those lucky people who happen to be parents.  Perhaps we can initiate a new kind of day; it could be called Parents Day and the criteria for getting a candy bar is actually having sired a child.  Otherwise, if we do nothing, we make no distinction between parents and non-parents and accordingly suggest that those people who are raising children aren’t really doing anything more than the child-less.    

 

I don’t know how widespread this issue is.  As I mentioned above, my understanding of these holidays is inevitably informed by my church experience.  (I realize that many people probably have smaller, family celebrations and so none of this really applies.)  However, if we are going to claim to celebrate parenting, lets do that.  If not, maybe its time to change the name from Father’s Day to Male Virility Day.